Leave your lover
by LadyJessYU
Summary: A modern AU one-shot slightly inspired by Sam Smith's song. A year in the life of Bellamy Blake. Warning: both Clexa and Bellarke are in the story.


**January** – You can without a doubt say that your life completely changed the day you met her. You were never the kind of guy who would go for the clichéd 'boy meets girl' trope. But it happened and before you realized you didn't dislike her you were done for.

It's one minute before the New Year when you pluck up the courage to make the move. You look for her all over the house that's suddenly got too big. It's already January 1st when you find her; find them in the dark hallway upstairs. Lexa's head is arched back and Clarke is running her lips along her collarbone. You stumble back before either of them could spot you. Happy fucking New Year to you.

 **February** – She's happy. Truly. You've never seen her smile that much. When she's with her, the rest of the world seizes to exist. The sight of them together makes you sick.

It's Valentine's day. You see her exiting 'Victoria's secret'. She notices you before you can bolt to a nearby store.

"Bellamy! It feels like I never see you anymore." she wraps her arms around you and it hurts more than you thought it could.

"Work." you let out with a breathy laugh, "Big plans for tonight?" then you ask, immediately regretting it.

"Yeah." she chirps up proudly and you force yourself to smile.

That night you go to a bar and fuck a girl that looks suspiciously like her.

 **March** – Lexa gets a promotion, Clarke is preparing her first solo exhibition and you're stuck in a dead-end job. Seeing how you have no luck in love, you might as well try gambling. There's some saying about that, isn't there? So you do it. Sort of. You quit and start at the bottom. Again.

 **April** – It's Clarke's night. Her paintings of sun-kissed landscapes are gracing the walls of a large gallery (courtesy of the Cage family). It's a fancy party, you feel out of place and the black tie just might suffocate you. If it doesn't, the sight of Lexa and Clarke hand in hand surely will.

It's two hours later, Clarke is chatting up an elderly couple. Lexa, at the bar, has been staring at the half-empty (you always were a pessimist) glass of champagne for the past twenty minutes.

"Ah!" you exhale loudly as you order another scotch, "The night's a success, don't you think?"

"Yes. I'm very proud of her." she doesn't look at you only throws a quick glance at Clarke, "She's happy."

"Are you?"

She's taken aback by the question. "Of course I am."

"You don't look like you are."

She doesn't respond.

You finish your drinks in silence.

 **May** – The new job is wearing you out and the alcohol hits a bit harder and a bit faster. It's Maya's and Jasper's engagement party. Clarke and Lexa arrive later than the rest. You don't want to imagine why Clarke struts around and Lexa's hair is disheveled. You try to pass on your desperate drinking as the joy for the future Mr. and Mrs. Jordan.

You two somehow find yourselves alone. You raise your glasses to the happy couple, to love and growing old. Neither really believes the words but it's the custom.

"Sleepless nights?" she runs the finger under your eye.

You jerk away. You won't admit you can't remember the last time you woke up rested. And to think that once the rhyming of the rain sounded like a lullaby, "I'm a gentelam and dint want to say it but you look like shit as well."

She chuckles. You both look at her girlfriend inside, dancing with Jasper. Then, your gazes meet, "You think you are in love…"

You're not sure if you're surprised she's figured it out. You are tired of pretending, "I know I am."

"-but you will only end up trapped in a delusion, miserable beyond belief."

"Leave her."

She laughs sardonically at your demand, "For you?"

"For me."

Her expression is puzzling. You're not sure if she's considering it.

"I don't have much to give but-"

"It's never been about the financial stability, Bellamy."

"I know." the stench of desperation is taking over the smell of alcohol, "I will give all of me just leave her."

She takes your hand. You can see your pain reflecting in her eyes, "You don't want that, Bellamy. You'll regret it."

"Is that a threat? Or an advice?"

"Bell-"

"Lexa!" You hear Clarke call. That word leaving her lips makes your blood boil.

You are left alone.

 **June** – The next period in your life and be summed up in one word – waiting. You're just rolling down the road, waiting for something to happen. Days pass and she is getting further and further away. You are resigned to spend the life alone. The work is good so you focus on that. Luckily, you are assigned night shifts and you don't have to toss and turn waiting for the Sun to rise.

 **July** – The change arrives. Lexa and Clarke are no longer an item. Raven tells you in confidence and you pretend to be sad. You may not be sad but you are not happy either. A heart or two are broken and neither deserved that (no matter his personal preferences). This time you do not wait long. You go to her and slowly but surely your lips meet.

 **August** – 'This is what being blissfully happy feels like.' You think one morning as you play with the strand of her hair. Not much has changed. You are still you and she is still her. When you are together you are more. You are one.

 **September** – You take a week off. During the day she does her work. You bring the flowers and make sure she doesn't forget to eat. Then you pick her up and take her to bed. More often than not you burry you tongue inside until she screams with pleasure. You do everything to please her and you don't mind one bit.

"I love you." you confess one night in ecstasy.

She smiles and crashes her lips against yours.

 **October** – She's taking you to another work thing. That means you are forced to have the small talk with the bunch of pompous asses. You hate those evenings. You don't want to be surrounded by those people. But she asks you and you never say no. And when you return to her apartment she kisses you and you say nothing.

 **November** – You attend the monthly game night at Lincoln's. It's great. At one point you stop to look around. Most of your friends are there, the girl that you love is by your side. Yet something's missing. You try hard to bury the feeling but it won't stay dead.

"Something's not right." you say once you're alone.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know." you wave it off. There's no reason for you to feel that way, "Forget it."

She doesn't push it that night.

It happens again and a fight starts. It reminds you of the early days of your friendship and it turns you on a little. You end up fucking in the kitchen.

 **December** – Another New Year, another party. It was ending in a similar way it started. Horrible and empty. Your relationship has come down to fucking and public smiles. She doesn't seem to mind much. You cannot hate her but you wish you could love her less. Just enough to pick up and leave.

You are nursing a beer bottle, absentmindedly scrapping the label off. Someone sits next to you. From the corner of your eye you see who it is and it makes you laugh. Ah, the irony.

"Is it me?" you take a sip. The beer is warm, "Or her?"

"I don't know." she takes a seat on the stool next to you, "I still think it's me."

"You know what, Lexa? You could have lied a little. For old times' sake."

"You wouldn't have believed me. It's not her, really. She has no clue how easily she pulls people in."

"Like a moth to a flame." the analogy seems fitting in every way, "How did you leave?"

A soft chuckle escapes her, "You told me to. And I listened. I was sure you would make it with her."

"Everything to make the princess happy." you sigh.

She leans against your shoulder, "It will get better. You'll get over her." she lies and you nod.


End file.
